I accidentally had phone sex last night
he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
You're just jealous because you lost me and I ended up at another party licking Marshmallow Fluff bikinis off of lesbians.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Randomize
