Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
I think I have vodka in my lungs
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
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