The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
i puked in the 2nd best shower and the couple fucking in the 1st didnt even pause so you might wanna hold off on that for a while
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize
