you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
It's like he's trying to get head in every car except his.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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