Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
Something about getting head on stairs. I don't know.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I just woke up in my ex-boyfriends bed, with my new boyfriends jersey on. I love March maddness.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
