so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i stalked him back to the creation of his facebook in november 2008. that bad.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
