Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Randomize
