Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
It really does creep me out though that the next ten years will involve my friends creating smaller versions of themselves because to be honest I don't know how much I like some of them. So that thought it really scary
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
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