I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
You have problems? I'm 20 years old and i'm balding
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
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