that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
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