i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
He had a flex off with himself in the mirror but he thought it was someone else for at least 20minutes.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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