the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
we are sitting in a kindergarden classroom alone chugging beer. look at our lives. look at our choices.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
My night just got really weird. In a sit down stall bathroom at this nice resturaunt and this guy walks in as I rip a humongous porcelain-splitting fart. Well, I hear him stop for a second. He then opens the door to the stall next to mine, sits down and says, "player two has entered the game."
Did you win?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
Randomize
