I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Pretty sure I just has te same conversation as you. He suggested I get, sell, and fuck the hoes, and once all was said and done, that I should refer afforementioned hoes to him, to perform felatio.
So many bounce houses so little time
there is beer in every square inch of this apartment and he hasn't even lived in it for 24 hours. we're playing some game that involves slamming beer, beer pong and smacking people's cups out of their hands.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
He wants to take me instead of his girlfriend to the happiest place on earth... By that He meant Vegas. My morals are just loose enough to think this is a good idea
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
