so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
It's not just about fucking anymore... We decided we're actually in like now..
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
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