You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
She's Christian and monogamous. Two wammies right there. No amount of convincing will turn that bi for a night.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
