The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
well, the drug dealer I've been fucking the past 5 months gave me a chilis gift card for Christmas, so things are looking up.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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