i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
