i don't know how boys match. i think shoes & belt are the only thing. it doesn't matter. i just know if they look stupid.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
If the EMT's ask later... I had 5 hour energy for breakfast and Four Loko for dinner... It might be important for them to know that
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
