im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
Randomize
