i may or may not be watching the land before time
Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
