then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
Randomize
