My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
