I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
Know what the best part of waking up for work after a drinking vacation is? It's an easy question. Nothing. Nothing is the best part of that.
you kept saying how you wanted to mainline bacardi right into your bloodstream. medical school is doing wonderful things to your brain
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
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