Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
