i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
He's on the porch naked. Help.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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