I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
well he is only 50 percent black.. but after last night i am 100 percent not going back
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
