he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
