she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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