the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
No my problem is I'm working and its a beautiful Saturday. I should be recovering from a hangover and out golfing. Fuck responsibility. I miss college.
I just found out through a drunken phone call that my parents thought I'd grow up to be a porn star. It's kind of scary how accurate they were at how skilled I'd be at sex.
Randomize
