hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
im at work. we just had a random 14-year-old amish girl come in and gift us with cinnamon rolls as thanks for letting her use the bathroom. i dont even know.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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