apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
It's official. I'm a squirter. Wasn't a one time thing.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Youre at medical school. Im eating raw cookie dough, pickles, and orange juice. Naked. On a monday afternoon. I clearly make better life choices than you.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
so i guess now we know you can get away with peeing mere feet from the Capitol if you shout IM PREGNANT at the guards
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Hey I’m obsessed with Charlie Heaton from stranger things...not because he got caught at the border with coke...okay that’s a lot of it
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
Randomize
