I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
Randomize
