Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
I've hooked up with 3 different guys already this week...don't tell me I haven't been a productive member of society
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Randomize
