i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
You showed up to your dad's bday dinner late, dirty, and hungover then proceeded to yell at the bartender for trying to take advantage of you by putting extra bourbon in your drink... Highly doubt you win best daughter award.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Running errands with mom, cool. Coming to pleasures with mom for her valentines night, not ever in a million years cool.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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