Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
Randomize
