Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Randomize
