Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
you drank a bottle of vodka and then while throwing up in my toilet you kept reminding me our hs reunion was in 2 yrs and it was time to start getting thin again anyway
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
I will come over now to take full advantage of you in your vulnerable state.
Fine. I should warn you I just threw up in danas fish tank. Fish are dead. Livers dead. I smell and look like a dead animal. And not showering. So deal with it.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
He asked me if I want to play Uber Driver, is this some new sex game or is he drunk and asking for a ride home?
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
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