I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
The party tonight has no theme but I decided to go as a home wrecker.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
Randomize
