She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
they almost convinced me to put "Funbags" in the 'other names you may be known as' section of the job application
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
