Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
I'm the only adult here not drinking and their 2 year old daughter is trying to play dolls with me.. I've never been so demoralized in my life.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Randomize
