Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
Randomize
