I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
how do you play pong handcuffed?
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Also, my guy said they would be around. And i clarified that when I asked him for mushrooms he didn't hear "a mushroom or two" but rather understood I meant "all the mushrooms you can find between now and 4th of July."
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
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