I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
Alive.
So much puke
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Grandpa just put 6 jello shots on his plate. My aunt tried to take them away; he flipped her off. Living in the retirement home has hardened him.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
I got so drunk last night that I was drunk in my dream. Good night
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
