TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
She took off her pants and it was like seeing an old friend.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
Dude, I checked into a cathedral... I thought it was a joke, until I found a candle and a whole bunch of coins in my purse
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
I love you as a roommate, but you GOTTA start using the door dude..
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
