The maid of honor just puked.
True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
its before 9am and ive already had to dip my dick and balls in a glass of milk. probably isnt a good sign for how today is going to go.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
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