Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I would say that that is the last time I ever drink a bottle of jack in two hours, but really who am I kidding?
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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