Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
