i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
I wanted to make out with that blonde just so I could deck her boyfriend and make things interesting.
At least that would be something.
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
