woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
I can motorboat myself in this new push-up bra. I need to go out tonight.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
At the end of the night i was really thirsty and tied to a bedpost
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
