she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
He kissed a someone with a penis
shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
