i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
Randomize
