I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Agreed then we'll really be on our A game tomorrow. And by A I mean alcohol.
I need to have sex. It's becoming like a matter of public safety.
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
