it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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