I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
Remind me tomorrow to take that ball-gag out of my purse.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Just made a list of all the guys I've hooked up with. "Roofie tattoo eyelids", "xanex night guy", "rainy concert", "cory blanket" and "naked hottub guy" made it.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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