I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
He crawled over to me grabbed my boob asked me if I liked cats and then passed out. If that's really my RA, it's gonna be a long year
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
