Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I totally just stopped for a booty call on the way to my parents for easter....good friday is an understatement
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
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