I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize
